it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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