i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
