shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
