I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
