"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
