There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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