My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
