ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
