I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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