just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
