now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
