erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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