Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
