We won't sleep together?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
