She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
