Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
