I love black thongs
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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