I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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