i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
