I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
