It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
