i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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