peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
