Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
