overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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