Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
