if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
