why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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