pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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