my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
