He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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