I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
