So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
