these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
