I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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