Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he puts the penis in happiness.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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