I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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