Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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