He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
