My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
