i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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