Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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