Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
