i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
