so explain again why im purple
no
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
