just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
