his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
