so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
