I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
