my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
