We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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