I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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